Motherhood is such an mysterious passage of life. Having a baby is amazing & life has changed in unimaginable ways. Getting to hold, smell, and cuddle with a newborn baby makes my heart sing. I pray for those mommas whose babies go down to the NICU after birth, because the pain that separation must cause is one I cannot imagine. But there were some things I never guessed would happen after I had my baby. During pregnancy, everyone was quick to offer their birth horror stories (Ladies, don’t do that others. Ladies without babies, let me know and I’ll share my positive birth stories with you.) But something not one person mentioned to me was this:
You may lose yourself.
After having a baby I was struggling with balancing the Meghan I was and the new Meghan I had become. I struggled with lack of sleep, studying for nursing school, and feeling like I was enough for this little creature. We had a rocky start breastfeeding so I was in tears when she needed to eat. Hell, I was in tears when she wasn’t eating. I was so engorged you may as well thought I had had boob job, not had a baby. And with each baby I have encountered a crisis:
- Not being enough for my new baby
- Feeling like I’m neglecting my older babies
- Losing my sh!t over silly things
- Being in a zombie haze from not sleeping
- Having my skin crawl because someone wants to touch me
In motherhood, neglecting self care is easy and almost expected. But the truth is, once you’re a momma, self care is more important than ever. You cannot pour from an empty cup, so you must refuel yourself! And although you’ll never be back to your old self, here are some ways to embrace the new you.
Take a bath.
Seriously, even if you’re not a bath person, take a bath by yourself. Get some epsom salts, diffuse some oils, and enjoy this water therapy. Not only will it feel good to hang out in the bath, but you’ll feel clean and refreshed. Change out of the bra drenched in milk and the shirt covered in spit up. Because motherhood ain’t giving you time to shower everyday!
Move your body
Ours bodies are meant to move. It increases blood flow to all parts of the body, which allows healing. You don’t have to go run 5 miles, but do some yoga, put the baby in your carrier and walk around your yard, just get moving. This helps to increase your mood and can get your some fresh air.
Get outside
Now, if you go for a walk or run, you get knock this one out of the park. Being outside and getting fresh air can do wonders for your mental health and, when you’re a new mom, it’s easy to stay inside and lay on the couch all day. But your body needs the vitamin d and fresh air only the great outdoors can offer. So grab a book and read a few pages outside.
Accept help
When someone asks what you need or offers help – take it!! Oh, you want to make us a meal? Thank you! Grandma wants to watch the baby for an hour – go take a bath! Your neighbor wants ideas to help you out – wash these dishes please! Every little thing can help. Until you’re trying to care for a little human, you may not realize how hard once easy tasks were. There’s no shame in accepting or asking for help. Whenever I have a friend whose having a baby, I try to always get them a gift card to a healthy food place where they can grab an easy meal and I make them a meal. Because nothing is more exhausting than cooking and cleaning a meal once you have a little one.
Get some new clothes
There’s no shame in your clothes not fitting right post baby. After my kids, all my comfy, old jeans no longer fit in the hips. Because I’m cheap and wanted to be environmentally friendly, I bought ill fitting clothes and found myself never wanting to wear them. You know what I did after Jo (our third) was born? I bought some damn jeans that fit. Don’t get me wrong, I love my sweat pants and hoodies. But now that I have jeans that fit I actually put them on before running to the store. I don’t hate wearing jeans anymore either! Motherhood isn’t about dressing to impressing, so you don’t need an entire wardrobe. But woman, a new pair of jeans or some comfy sweatpants can do wonders for your mental health.
Talk about something other than the baby
This one is hard, I know. I’m guilty of going up to a new mom and asking how the baby’s doing too. But when you’re in a conversation with someone, ask them questions that don’t revolve around motherhood and kids. It can be really therapeutic to remind yourself that yes you like to watercolor, run, take photos, or whatever your passion is. It’s also good to know what’s going on out in the real world since you’ve been cooped up for a month! 😉
Spend time with your significant other
Love on them. What we appreciate, appreciates. So when you’re giving them love, naturally, they should want to give you some love back. Although you may not feel like kissing him/her, do it! It can bring forth that little spark you’re wanting to feel. Get dressed up and make supper together one night. You don’t don’t have to go out or spend lots of money. But make time for your relationship. I took a positive psychology course in college and one thing I will NEVER forget is when our professor nonchalantly mentioned that in relationship, the most unhappy times are when there are children within the home. Now that I have kids of my own I know it’s because we don’t always make time for ourself and our relationships. So do this for yourself, your love, and your baby!
Let go of guilt
Here is your biggest challenge momma. Even I struggle with this one. But I know you’re doing your best. Motherhood may make you feel small at times, unworthy, or just plain mediocre. I don’t want to say it’s okay, because it may not be. But you’re not alone. Whether it’s your first or fourth kid, momma guilt is a real thing. Meditate on it, get in a sweaty workout session, or journal about it. This negative energy you’re bringing into your life isn’t helping you or your family. So, in the words of Elsa, let it go.
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